POSITION AVAILABLE:

INTERESTED APPLICANTS NEED NOT APPLY

by David Sisler

A few days ago, the company where I was employed was "Irsayed" (a word coined by yours truly in honor of Robert Irsay, late owner of the Indianapolis Colts, who under cover of darkness moved the then Baltimore Colts to Indiana without so much as a "by your leave"). It was a multi-faceted effort, leaving several unsuspecting people unemployed. So I was forced to update my resume.

I wrote it in the usual way, listing previous jobs and other qualifications and it all sounded rather dull and dry, so I added something personal: "Efficient self- starter, slightly balding, slightly 50, slightly over-fed, works and plays well alone, works and plays well in a group, known to daydream occasionally, speaks Russian (oychen nymnoga e oychen plokho — very little and very badly), frequently colors outside of the lines, never runs with scissors."

Then I started reading the want ads.

Most ads disguise the employer, sometimes they disguise the job. I applied for a position 20 years ago which advertised for someone interested in the electronics field. It sounded good and so I arrived, expectantly, at the appointed place and time. They were hiring vacuum cleaner salesmen. Cub Scout's honor!

Before the events referred to in the first paragraph occurred, I was privileged to hear a job announced by the Reverend W. Mark Sargent, on behalf of his Employer:

"Employer, patient and easy to work with, seeks dedicated and enthusiastic people for the position of Christian. The hours are long and the work is frequently difficult, but the fulfillment more than makes up for the investment. Interested and qualified applicants are invited to consider this position."

The job description, circulated initially to applicants in Rome, was written by Saul of Tarsus, alias, Paul the Apostle. My version, slightly revised, follows.

Christian will demonstrate a love that is completely sincere. There will be no room for play acting. The ulterior motives of loving for the sole purpose of acquisition, or demonstrating a minimum love with the intent of receive more than is given, must be avoided. Love of self must take last place. Christian will not insist on his or her rights, because none exist. All that Christian possesses was received by the matchless grace of Employer.

In order to be kept from sinning, Christian must develop a gentle spirit which will be shocked by sin. There must be a genuine break with evil and an authentic devotion to good. Evil actions, not evil people, must be hated. Concerning evil people, see prerequisite above.

Christian must show family affection to others who apply for the position. There are no isolated applicants, only brothers and sisters whom Christian has not yet met. Such affection is demonstrated by letting the other individual reap all of the credit for success performed on Employer's behalf. If Christian does desire to outdo another applicant, it must only be in the showing of honor.

Christian will look beyond the surface of those who are fellow applicants, remembering that some of the Employer's earlier successes would never have been hired had they been subjected to the evaluation of modern personnel departments. Simon Peter was quick to make hasty decisions, jumping overboard at the slightest provocation. Company loyalty took second place to personal interest for the brothers James and John. Thomas' questioning attitude could have been viewed as undermining morale. Matthew was blacklisted by all of the better sections of society. Only Judas, out of the Employer's original twelve choices, showed any potential, possessing sufficient business sense to be made the Company treasurer.

Christian will recognize that one of the dangers to successful service is insensitivity and apathy. Christian will be alert, seizing opportunities as they present themselves. Because Christian's life is a battleground between the forces of good and the forces of evil, an easy-going, lackadaisical attitude will be detrimental to Christian's success. Christian must not allow slackness to spoil his work. The modern adage, "I couldn't care less," must never be Christian's motto. If Christian waivers, Employer will extravagantly add fuel to keep his spirit at the boiling point.

Christian will understand that the best is yet to come. The difficulties which will be found will only be opportunities for success, never occasions for failure. Christian may occasionally ask "Why?" but he (and Employer) will be better served by turning adversity into advantageous applications. The tribulation which will come, can be met with triumph, because Employer has reserved more-than-sufficient equipment for the tasks which appear.

Christian must be in constant touch with Employer. There may be times when fellowship with Employer may be the only true fellowship Christian will enjoy. The lines of communication must be kept open and used on a continual basis.

Christian will look for ways to turn personal injuries into opportunities for service. Christian will bless those who try to make life miserable, recognizing that enemies will be defeated more readily by affection than by acrimony.

"Interested and qualified applicants need not submit an application or a resume. Employer already knows if you are serious about the job."

-30-

Published in the Augusta Chronicle 2/22/97